11th
39. 9/11 Truthers
Hey there, true believers! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back with a fresh batch of Adderall and a list as long as your daddy’s pecker of shit that needs hating- so let’s get started, yeah?
Sadly, I (inadvertently, I promise you) picked today of all days to return from my self-imposed exile of trolling craigslist looking for work, and by work I mean “adult gigs listings”. Yes, folks- I woke up this morning, brushed off the lovely hairball my asshole cat had left me in the night, and looked at the calendar while I made myself a cup of coffee that turned out to be mostly dog hair (anyone want a free dog and/or cat?). September the 11th.
Fuck.
Like most of you reading this, I’m a human being. I also happen to be American, purely by accident- I didn’t have much say in where my mother happened to push me out of her vagina. But oddly enough, I like it here okay. I’m also acutely aware of all the cool shit Americans enjoy and take for granted on an hourly basis, compared to somewhere like Rwanda, where the gross domestic product seems to be rape. Like, I understand how good we have it here, and that it pisses some of the other countries off.
However. Hijacking four airliners and flying them into various government buildings seemed… oh, I don’t know… maybe a bit excessive. In other words, it was pretty fucking horrible. Luckily, I didn’t know any of the victims, living on the other side of the country. But I had friends that were in Noo Yawk at the time, and while I may not be a licensed, clinical psychologist (or even a Scientologist), I’m pretty sure I know the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder when I see them. I’m also sure that this coffee tastes pretty glossy, thanks to the egg I put in my dog’s bowl of food the other day. BLECH.
Although I don’t want to assume, I’m sure that your experience a decade ago was similar to mine; a sense of surreality watching CNN on every goddamn channel waiting for John McClane to show up and drop some German assholes with a machine gun, ho ho ho. A sense that this horrible shit wasn’t really happening, overlaying a deep sense of just plain old-fashioned dread. And if you were in NY, DC or Pennsylvania that day, or someone you loved was, my heart goes out to you, for true. I can only hope that you or whoever you cared about got out of it relatively okay and in good-enough shape for me to buy you a drink if ever I get half a chance.
So that’s why it’s so fucking infuriating listening to these raisin-cakes go on and on about how 9/11 “was a conspiracy” or was “some kind of inside job”. Not because it’s COMPLETELY FUCKING IMPLAUSIBLE- folks, we’re talking about the Bush administration here- or because I’m afraid deep down to admit that they might be “on to something”, but because of the simple fact that every time you open your fatheaded fucking cake portal and insist we “don’t know all the details”, you’re rubbing your own idiot urine in the wounds of people who lost someone that day.
Look, I get it; you don’t like being lied to. Neither do I! Neither does anyone who doesn’t live in Southern California (lies are what they use for currency down there). When bad shit like people flying jumbo jets into buildings happens, we all expect an explanation afterward. But your X-Files mentality regarding one of the worst attacks on U.S. soil, while somewhat admirable in an Emperor Norton-sort of way, apparently renders you fully incapable of empathy for anyone who’s suffered as a result of it. To put it another way, imagine that you’re somewhere out and about today; could be Subway, could be the dildo shop. Doesn’t matter. You start spouting off about how the government was behind the whole deal, about how Dubya’s butt buddies with the Saudis, about how the laws of physics (which you’re evidently too goddamn stupid to fully grasp) demonstrate that “the towers should have fallen THIS way, instead of how they actually fell”. Imagine that scenario.
Now imagine that the person you’re talking to (or at, you babbling font of idiocy) calmly waits for their turn to speak, and looks at you and says, “I was there”, or even worse, “I lost someone in that shit”. Do you REALLY have your head so far up your own ass that you’d keep on going?! REALLY? You’re an insensitive shitstain, at best. Not to mention so goddamn gullible you probably think that not only the moon landing was faked, but that NASA is really a cover-up for government agents to run around the countryside carving up livestock and probing farmers’ bungholes. In short, you’re an idiot, AND an asshole.
So do us ALL a favor- keep your conspiracy theories to yourself. Nobody wants to hear it. It makes you sound like a petulant child, and it craps all over the memories of those who’ve actually suffered.
Ahhhh, it’s good to be back.
